A beautiful image of the power of surrender, by Ron Hamad

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Democracy is Exhausting

The day after the election I felt convinced that the world had shifted significantly. I felt certain that it meant something good. Something new. Something truthful. Something without artifice. Something that feels like breath.

And I had this thought: "I don't have to wear make-up anymore!"

I kept this bold thought of the authentic me prospering in these authentic times for all of about two minutes until I looked in my bathroom mirror.

And then I had this thought: "Well maybe just mascara."

So that's what I did to celebrate. Yes. You read it right. I went out of the house with ONLY mascara on. Radical. Brave. My civil rights and/or feminist and/or True Body sisters and brothers may want to throw me a parade.

An hour later, I was sitting in a coffee shop and met a handsome young guy who had spent weeks here working on the campaign. While we were talking the good talk of what an exciting moment it was for the entire country and the world, this is what I was thinking: "Damn it. I wish I had put on make-up."

And by the weekend, as I was making nachos in my kitchen after a hard week of trying to promote wellness and creativity while paying the bills and keeping the faith about my place in the world, I basically fell apart.

For me, falling apart means a splitting head ache and tears and a bath and bad TV and too much sleep for about a half a day. That is the good news. It doesn't take too long for hope to resurface as the only acceptable way to craft a life.

But I think what I experienced last week was the hope that hope had paid off - right that second - and that all the things that have been beyond my grasp, whether love or money, would be in my life by week's end.

So with eye-liner in hand, I got back to the business of backing up hope with hard work. And breath. Oh yeah and exercise and gratitude and service work too.

And now, a week later, I'm back. In the here and now. Still hopeful for the future but wed not to the fantasy of what is to come but the moment itself. When I romance the moment, I am both loved AND prosperous.

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